Starting a Photography Business: Part 31 – Who am I?

Before I start to meditate, I always ask myself, ‘Who am I?’ along with ‘What do I want?’ and ‘How can I serve?’  The answer to, ‘Who am I?’ is never I’m a photographer, it’s a much more heart based answer that I give and it goes to my very core.

Yet ‘Who am I?’ has been on my mind a lot this last couple of weeks as I’ve launched the business.  What with marketing, and thinking about the business every moment of the day, when the weekend has arrived I’ve struggled to make it a proper weekend; free of doing work on the computer or out taking pictures.

And being in the vibrant season of spring it’s so easy isn’t it to pick up a camera and whizz out to capture the new colours, and life unfolding?  There’s so much going on that I want to have my camera with me.  A couple of weekends ago I decided to have a complete break from my camera, however I ended up taking it with me on a walk, as I knew better than to leave it behind, and got involved in quite a long shoot.  I got some really lovely images, which a week later in the same place the opportunity had gone; the blossom was past its best.

So I was right to have taken the camera, but the walk had suddenly become about work; taking from different angles, waiting for the sun to come back out to get the shadow effect on the leaves.  Last weekend I took the Sunday to go to a local castle, where there is a beautiful lake and picnic beside it whilst reading a book, I had a complete day off and it was so reviving; it was wonderful.

I had my camera with me and I enjoyed taking the odd picture, but as I was within private grounds I knew unless I took something innocuous, like a close up of blossom say, that couldn’t be traced back to a specific location, then these photos were of no use to me.  And so the photography became about pleasure rather than work.  I just basked in enjoying the Sunday afternoon sunshine and having the time to relax and eat a piece of delicious gooey chocolate cake in the cafe.

I have come to a place in the last couple of days of realising that yes, my business is now photography, and yes, I am a photographer, yet photography is still my hobby, it’s something that I love.  And so it’s ok to take my camera out with me at weekends or on my holidays, as it’s something that’s been a part of my life from a small child; it’s part of who I am.  I love taking pictures; I love that connection between me and my environment.  I love weighing up as I walk along how best I’m going to take a photo, do I stoop?  Do I stand?  How do I want to use the light to create an effect for me?

And so I’ve resolved the inner argument with myself as to whether it is okay to pick a camera up when I’m having a weekend off.  Who I am, is still the spiritual me, yet who I like to be when I’m out, is someone that enjoys taking photos and finds a peace within photography.